—But there is "pet" and "tit."

As spring nears (you heard right, spring) 2010's contenders are already clearing snow from their cracks as the warm tidings and smack-talk trickle into our mailbag.  This note comes from 2009 US finalist SANJAR THE DESTROYER (STD).  Much like Austin's year-round preliminary dark horses, I guess Milwaukee is now following suit with its own pre-season qualifiers:

I knew that things could only get worse after my pants split down the front as I was warming up.  And to think I shunned leather pants the year before!  Damnit irony, you cruel bitch! So as I stood on that stage in that smoke filled bar slipping on PBR that had spilled all over the stage and my junk hanging out I knew the final nail in the coffin had come when my song didn't come out of the left speaker.

You see in all my arrogant wisdom I had made an edit that was recorded in stereo and faded back and forth between the left and right channels.  Of course the sound guy didn't really know or care and had the music piping in mono.  So when I was on the right side of the stage i was rockin, and when I was on the left side I was playing to nothing.  Awesome.

AND STILL I made it to round 2!

But It wasn't enough.  So I took my air guitar, air pyrotechnics, roadies, huge flying demon backdrop, foil wrapped cucumber and limped back to Chicago.  I cursed under my breath that I was quitting air guitar, but as anyone that knows me well...uh...knows...I'm a glutton for both pain and AIR. 

Spring will come, flowers will bloom, and everyone will get Herpes.  STD is coming to DESTROY.