Harvey Wahlbanger Wins Back-to-Back in Des Moines
Cause he's back,
Yes he's back,
Well he's back
Yes he's back
Well he's ba-a-a-a-ack, ba-a-a-a-ack
Harveys back to back!
Yes, he's back to back...
Another year. Another great show! It's starting to become a thing around here, I thiiink!
We had a great turn-out with competitors. Some were old. Some were new. One was notably absent. Former Des Moines champ, CC DeThrill was not able to make it, but I’m confident that he’ll be back to challenge us all again.
We started off with Def Leprechaun who has had the unfortunate bad Luck o' the Irish to have gone first or second for two years in a row. Still, he killed it always. With a better draw, he’d have made the second round for sure!
Next was Mean Gene Simmons who shredded some Back to the Future Johnny B. Goode. Competing second is almost as tough as going first, so naturally ripping your shirt off seems like a great idea to get the crowd going.
Sadly, the crowd was less than enthused. They just weren’t ready for it—but their kids are gonna love it!
One of our esteemed judges broke one an unwritten rule of Air Guitar and admitted that he not only knows Mean Gene Simmons, but they are actually brothers!
So he scored him like any good brother would—and a gave him a 4.0.
Mean Gene, not to be upstaged by his brother, made a brotherly crack at the judge. This resulted in a quick score change down to 3.9. Needless to say, Mean Gene would not see round two.
Next was Lost Heartbreaker who brought it as always and easily breezed into the second round.
The fourth competitor was Courtney Shove who played one of the worst tracks I have literally ever heard.
However, she completely Stiff Dickensed her routine, the judges got it, and she scored about a million points higher than I thought she would. While I was impressed that she scored well with such a horrible, horrible track, I was also disappointed to see such a terrible track with high scores. (Editor’s Note: Ok. Now I NEED to hear this track)
I kid, of course. After all, someone who can play great Air Guitar should always be rewarded with high scores regardless of whether the track was great or worst I have ever heard. She Courtney shoved her way into Round 2, which was great! Now, we could choose the track for her to play and I wouldn't have to put up with her nonsense.
Next up, was a great track. I mean a great Air Guitarist—first-time competitor Sunflower Power! She emerged from a cocoon to transform into a beautiful Air Guitar playing butterfly. And yes, ger track was great, too. Thank God.
Sixth was Misfit of Punk, but I screwed up the order at the show, so I'll do it again here.
Jampire was thrilled, chilled and oozed blood, then made everyone wear those really bad Halloween fangs!
He killed his track—but specifically in the way it becomes undead and thus cannot be killed!!! He would also join us again in Round Two.
Ok. Now for Misfit of Punk who destroyed a Monster Magnet track. He is getting really good and I think he can challenge for the championship next year. You probably could have this year if I didn't screw up the order and allowed Jampire to go ahead of him. SORRY DUDE!!!
Numbers eight and nine were back-to-back Stacks. First, the mighty Stack Hammer unretired and shredded his way back to the stage. Please keep coming back, dude! You’re really great and a whole lotta fun!
Then, Stack Attack took the stage as she continues her legacy of perfect attendance at the Des Moines Air Guitar Championships. Oh, and she made Round 2 so we were honored a double dose!
Finally, last year’s Des Moines Champion Harvey Wahlbanger was up. As usual, he hit all the big moves and snagged all the big scores. He entered Round Two in first.
The compulsory round song was Flying Finn's 2016 track "Breaking the Law" by Judas Priest— and the competitors each tried to break more laws than the last. Here are a few highlights:
Courtney Shove did a massive shot of AIRoin.
Jampire created a "splash zone," poised to make the entire crowd bloody, and likely to break a CDC law or twelve
Stack Attack shredded with a helicopter headbang so good it should be illegal
Lost Heartbreaker jumped up on the bar—which not only is frowned upon by bar staff, but quite unsanitary
Harvey Wahlbanger broke the law of gravity by jumping over an impressively tall chair in an effort to keep his title. It worked.
In the end, Lost Heartbreaker lost in a heartbreaker to Harvey Wahlbanger who rightfully claimed back-to-back championships in Des Moines!
Not to be outdone by Harvey, Lost Heartbreaker again won the Freebird round and remains the Undefeated Freebird Champion!
Written By Flying Finn aka Aviation Andy aka Andrew Finn; Edited by U.S. Air Guitar