Austin: Forever we rock
Vlad DM Wailer (Kolb Ettenger) hasn’t washed his lucky red outfit since he first competed 4 years ago.
Officiated by the finest celebrity judging panel of the tour – in the history of all tours, actually – with 2008 Air Guitar World Champion HOT LIXX HULAHAN (Craig Billmeier), Austin’s hometown hero HANK SINATRA, and especially one of the guys from a band down here, Saturday night’s audience at Austin’s ND at 501 Studios were treated to a, you know, real treat.
Performers traveled from cities as distant as Tucson, AZ (Vlad DM Wailer) and Denver, CO (Duke Thrashington), both of whom made the second round.
Hometown favorites and former national representatives TED POWERS (Ted Powers) and BROCK McROCK (Taylor Fullbright) gave it their best, but VD/MW took Saturday’s competition by nearly a 5/10 of a point – an infinite divide in big guy math. For his part, Brock McRock’s backpack poppers failed to discharge until after his track had ended, marking the first post-mature ejaculation in air guitar history. And Ted Powers fell off some shit, and that made the judges all “helllll, no.”
After years of competing under various names, El Airiachi (aka Dr. Shred ’08, aka HIS XTREME AIRNESS ‘09a, aka The Shredder ‘09b, aka Grim Reap Air ’10, aka Randy Garza) made the compulsory round on SAturday night. A doctor by trade, the closest he had ever gotten to round two was treating previous years’ champions for alcohol poisoning. Apparently he was on call, because he had his cell phone clipped to his belt for both of his performances. It was the tightest performance I had ever seen him pull off.
Newcomer SHRED THEODORE LOGAN (Jacob Green) successfully crowd surfed inside a cardboard phone booth a la Bill and Ted’s, which was fucking awesome. The best part about that move was Shred Theo Logan had seen three previous performers attempt a stage dive only to watch the crowd split like the Red Sea. Each one fell flat on their faces. But somehow Shred Theodore Logan, undeterred by the threat of personal injury or military school or Missy’s advances, stuck some gum on top of his phone booth and did a trust fall into a once decidedly unsupportive crowd. And somehow they actually caught him. Ted beat out AIR BEAR (Jacob Calle) in the second round by a tenths of a point but it wasn’t enough to take the competition.
Before Saturday’s show VLAD DM WAILER, who’s competed before in DC and New York, took a short flight to Tucson, AZ then rented a car and showed up an hour or so before the competition. His technical ability was matched only by his stage presence and airness, and that’s what makes a champion. VLAD DM WAILER, you were excellent last night. We’ll see you in Chicago for the US Finals on July 23rd.