Brooklyn Air Guitar Qualifier: Mother's Day Spectacular
Brooklyn Air Guitar Qualifier: Mother’s Day Spectacular 5/8 at Saint Vitus Bar Sponsored by Trooper Ale & Saint Vitus Bar
Lighting provided by Union Garage Productions
A portion of the proceeds to be donated to the Ronnie James Dio Stand Up and Shout Cancer Fund: http://diocancerfund.org
Happy Mother’s Day everyone!
This past Sunday at Saint Vitus was a star studded gala event with loads of new talent and a host only a mother could love! The finest air guitarists from throughout the region came out vie for their chance at the title of Brooklyn’s finest and the chance to represent us in Boston on July 2nd in the East Coast Regionals! But only two* would walk away with that glory!
To start the night a mysterious cloaked figure assuming the stage name of Boney Iommi approached the stage and proceeded to shred Diamond Head’s Am I Evil… only to be interrupted mid performance by HIS MOTHER*, who in turn decided he wasn’t handling things correctly and decided to show everyone how it’s done and proceeded to with a little help from the Isley Brothers.
Thoroughly embarrassed, our host revealed himself to be long time competitor Smo [AKA The Wizard, AKA Jean Luc Pickguard, AKA Buzzthrill, AKA Milo Rockerman, AKA Dean Razorback, AKA The Wairwülf].
As he went on to announce the judges: Comedian Alison Leiby, Guitarist Stephen Broadsky of Mutoid Man & Cave in, and television’s David Grohl of the program Sonic Highways. Smo was met with his mother at the judging table who informed him that she had seen Dave’s Mom at the store earlier that day and told her that her son should be spending time with his mother on Mother’s Day and she would take care of it. So my mom did what she did best and made and commenced unscrupulously judging all that lie before her, drink in hand!
The first performer of the night to show the judges how things were done was a new name with a familiar face, Brooklyn favorite, Staten Island Champion and Air Guitar Mom: Mother Feather AKA Marteeka AKA HystAirica!. My mom really liked her outfit btw.
To start the competitor portion of the evening was newcomer Boom Jam Powerslam, who lived up to his name in energy! My mom also enjoyed his Angus Young shorts, which I’m not sure how I feel about, but his performance was great and we welcome him into the fold!
Following Boom Jam was another Brooklyn favorite and Boston native, Operation Rockapussy, filling the glitter void of the evening’s competiton. My mom used to work at Michaels, running a local craft night, and has an immense appreciation for glitter.
Incorporating some slick mic work before starting his performance was yet another newcomer Bryant Rocks! Whose name is Bryant and he rocks! Out of the gate with a blazing fast rendition of Weezer’s Buddy Holly. My mom really liked his hair, but perhaps a little too much…
Out of the shadows and into our hearts [perhaps to steal our souls?] came newcomer The Danziger! Throwing everyone for a loop and not performing Danzig’s Mother but instead some sick solo work. All the judges found his makeup skills most impressive!
Seemingly unprepared, with Mike’s Hard Lemonade in hand, newcomer Nith Jonas took the stage and took us all by surprise by completely nailing every aspect of her performance! Steve really appreciated her RHCP tattoo, but my mom hates tattoos. This didn’t affect her scoring thankfully!
With his duty now, for the future, Brooklyn’s own and favorite new traditionalist Spudboy took the stage and took off into the crowd! Always a crowd favorite though my mom was concerned about the holes in his hazmat suit [thankfully there were no holes in his performance]! Patch em up spud!
Emerging from the depths of the crowd emerging into the air guitar community and onto the stage came Lee Valone! A snappy dresser with a dash of demonic goat’s blood running through his veins. My mom had some inappropriate comments about how she felt about this performance which I don’t feel comfortable repeating here, but they were positive!
Taking everyone by surprise Brooklyn veteran Rocka Kahn returned at the last minute to seriously blow everyone away. His future was so bright he had to wear multiple pairs of shades! My mom really appreciated his hawaiian shirt and it reminded her of when I played saxophone in my ska band in high school. Thankfully for Rocka he remembered to keep his airformance guitar only! Thankfully for the audience he didn’t perform a ska song!
Rounding out round one was another long time favorite, and Astoria winner [who is already moving on to Boston], Mikey O! Mikey brought the fury and helped us lock up the first portion of the evening! My mom loved his collection of buttons.
The scores were tight! Many off only by a tenth of a point! But round two brought us:
5th: The Danziger 4th: Lee Valone 3rd: Operation Rockapussy 2nd: Rocka Kahn 1st: Nith Jonas
Keeping with Brooklyn tradition once again performers drew numbers from the mystery skull! Though breaking slightly from said tradition I had pre selected our first track!
In honor of our charity we were supporting: The Ronnie James Dio Stand Up And Shout Cancer Fund, The first track of round two was none other than Ronnie James Dio’s Stand Up and Shout! Coincidentally the first track I ever cut for air guitar in 2009 but ended up never performing to it! This seemed like a more than appropriate time for it to make it’s debut!
All the competitors decided to draw from the mystery skull and seal their fate as true Titans emerging above this this mortal coil!
But Titans true, round 2 left us with a TIE! After the round 2 scores the scoring stood thus:
4th: The Danziger 3rd: Lee Valone 2nd: Nith Jonas 1st: Operation Rockapussy 1st: Rocka Kahn
Yes my friends, indeed, a tie! The top two winners move on but we can’t have a tie now can we?! How best to handle such a situation but with…a tie breaker! Never at a loss for a chance to snort glitter Op Rock rose to the challenge and not to be outdone so did Rocka who took on the track BLINDFOLDED! The track was the only song remaining in the skull, and a tough one and a mouthful: A live version of Metallica covering Budgie’s Breadfan!
At the end of the intense tiebreaker our esteemed judges and my mother had made their opinions clear, as my mom is wont to do: We were sending Operation Rockapussy back home to Boston as a winner!
And Rocka Kahn and his intense blacklight neon will be teleporting there to represent us as well!
Excellent showings by all and it was an incredibly close contest! Thank you for yet another fantastic year Brooklyn!
The remaining t-shirts with design by our favorite t-shirt designer: Kuki-Chan Tattoo will be made available to purchase online soon!