Brooklyn: Bowled Over

Shreddy Mercury wins the Brooklyn Regional with his Doc Brown impression.  But Neckballs doesn’t approve.  Photo credit Gabi Porter.

Much like today’s blog, with the exception of new regional champion SHREDDY MERCURY (Seth Leibowitz), last night’s Brooklyn Regional Championships didn’t really start until round two.  Celebrity judge and confirmed blog reader JASON JONES (Daily Show) sent a veritable who’s-who of competitors into Brooklyn’s compulsory round who didn’t win the New York City regional the previous night, including (with final ranking):

1 Seth Leibowitz Shreddy Mercury

2 Tom Corsillo Mitt Umlaut

3 Del-Kun Chen G. Tso Money

4 Rob Weychert Windhammer

5 Alexander Forbes Ricky Stinkfingers

6 Josh Perry Doctor Rockenstein

Registered voter (last night’s venue, Brooklyn Bowl, is in Rep. Antony Weiner’s congressional district) and second degree black belt G. Tso Money added several new moves to his repetior, such as when he belt-tied his arm and spiked a spoonful of “air-oin” into his veins.  Many high kicks, windmills, and fever chills later, G. Tso collapsed on stage as the track faded out.  However, Canadian racist and confirmed blog reader Jason Jones found G. Tso’s “karate moves a little stereotypical for an Asian.”

G. Tso strung out after slamming some bad shit in round 2.

Continuing the theme of what may have been the most epic second round of the 2011 tour, MITT UMLAUT nearly robbed Shreddy Mercury of last night’s title despite being sent into round two nearly an entire point behind.  Stage presence (including one’s use or abuse of the stage) being an important factor in judging a performer, the crowd was bowled over by Mitt’s use of off-stage space.  As the song blasted through the PA, he ran through the crowd and into the venue’s hipster bowling alley, spontaneously shredding in front of lane 6, just before someone bowled a perfect 7-10 split through Mitt’s legs.  The two pins still standing formed distant devil horns for the bewildered audience members whose faces were melted all over the fucking floor.  All this within the confines of a 60 second song edit, and without once dropping his air guitar.

Mitt Umlaut, somewhat obstructed by wig.  Photo credit Gabi Porter.

Sitting beside Yankee fan and confirmed blog reader JASON JONES was celebrity judge and industry hot shot LEIGH LUST, who was thoroughly impressed by Mitt’s site-specific performance artistry.  If I had just one recommendation for MEAT OMELET, it’d be to cut the bangs on his trademark wig or perhaps tie it off with a headband.  While it works well for the first few seconds, the audience loses site of all facial expressions.  I for one think Brooklyn was begging for a facial last night.

360° with Emmy award winning comedian and confirmed blog reader Jason Jones.

Deserving an honorable mention is USAG newcomer and grocery baron DAG NASTY (John D’Agostino), who removed his sweater vest to reveal a rock’n roll white pressed shirt tucked into cargo shorts.  His performance thereafter was solid but not enough for a second round nod from morning shift strip club fan and confirmed blog reader Jason Jones.  Jones, the cuddly curmudgeon who never met an air guitarists he didn’t abuse, had clearly done his homework last night.  He knew many performers’ names and back stories.  Props to him and his Daily entourage, MILES HIGH and MAX HARDCORE.