Kansas City gets it


Mean Melin prays the end’s not until Saturday.

Thursday night’s competition in Kansas City continued the 2011 roll of kickass shows.  For much of its kickassedness, we may blame Mean Melin muchly, who won the competition by a modest landslide.

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Thursday night was what us “industry folks” call a “media shitstorm.”  We had Tony’s Kansas CityBrain Zooming, and Spiral 16….and then carried over to the mainstream when local TV news stations FOX-4 and KCTV-5 picked up the story.  The 4 videos that surfaced on YouTube accumulated over 3000 views, this link among them.  Next we got a 4 page cover story in the print edition of Pitch, which they rebroadcast internets style here.  Then the biggest daily paper in KC, Kansas City Star ran a feature article. The St. Joseph News-Press also wrote a feature article, and then followed that up with more coverage in their Top 5 things to do this weekend’.  And Lawrence Journal-World ran a feature as well.  Then FOX-4 TV as well as KCTV-5 TV went crazy …  and on and on the story went.  So, you know, thanks for all ya love, KC.

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Last night’s GLORY WHOLESOME (Whitney Young) and PORK SWORD (Cameron Hawk) need to go mate & procreate, producing a GLORY SWORD (hot) or perhaps WHOLESOME PORK (delicious and nutritious).


Romeo DanceCheetah defies things.

2010 US Champion ROMEO DANCECHEETAH put on a killer solo halftime performance-slash-National Geographic tutorial.  He invited a female audience member to sit center stage and be wooed, and wooed she was.  For her part she sat through the better part of 6 minutes pretending to be immune to the jungle king’s moves.  But when he tossed up his air guitar, rolled out a summersault assault, then caught his axe and kept playing she was his for the taking. 

In his first round performance, local weirdo and USAG fave PETER STIFF DICKENS offered 50 seconds of pomp, 5 seconds of circumstance, and 5 seconds of air guitar.  “I’ve never been so so confused in my whole life – so I gave you a 5.6 and I don’t know why,” quipped pitch.com’s Justin Kendall, Thursday night’s celebrity judge and all around good guy.  Stiff Dickens advanced to round 2, where he powerslid off the stage like it was a waterslide – completely accidentally.  Strong as an ox he emerged undamaged, keeping the 2011 tour injury free and our lawyers happy.

Because this part of KC has free wifi (up yours, FREE PUBLIC WIFI), I double checked our entry forms after the show.  Seems Thursday’s champion, Mean Melin, after going on his months-long PR tirade, even paid for his pal Peter Stiff Dickens’ entry.  In the business, we call him a real mensch.  


CorpAiration throws some horns then invests in futures.

As is often the case, 5 performers advanced to the second round.  Although he finished last in the compulsory round, I enjoyed the hell out of THUNDERBALL (Nielsen Nacis), and not just because he was the hottest girl there with his long silky hair and sultry far eastern eyes.  But round two was owned by three competitors: Mean Melin, Peter Stiff Dickens, and The Corpairation.  An avid fan of Print Shop Pro, Corpairation printed business cards and fake hundred dollar bills, showering the audience with both before his performance.  Appreciative were all, except the guys sweeping after the show.

For round two, Melin emerged from backstage with a shaved mustache, his most prominent prop from round one.  That’s finesse, people.  He then floated through crowd a la William Ocean on a makeshift church pew that I suspect has gone missing from an 8th grade woodshop class somewhere.  Melin has certainly matured since last year, where he followed the tour through a half dozen cities before he clinched a National Berth.  Speaking of Mean Melin, he cut the 8-minute Bohemian Rhapsody down to 60 seconds for his first round performance, and somehow it sounded even better than the original, and the crows was all “whoa.”  Melin took this show hands down. 

Although no girls made it into the second round, Thunderball and Manther have really nice hair.


First rounder OLD GLORY may well have pissed himself.

Manther shows off his soft hair and dick-do (when your belly hangs out farther than your dick do).

“I’m not a crook, I just work for UBS.”
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