Magic Cyclops Official USAG Trading Card


When asked what’s the craziest thing we’ve ever seen from a professional air guitarist, we will often respond with “one time a dude walked on stage and took a shit in a pizza box.” But for me, it was seeing MAGIC CYCLOPS (Magic Cyclops) DJ the wedding of BJÖRN TÜROQUE (Dan Crane) and ZERO PROSPECTS (Kate Crane) on a majestic 5 acre plot in the rolling hills above California’s Central Valley wine country, with both sides of the family (U.S. and Edinburgh) meeting one another for the first time, and an honest-to-god rainbow stretching across a bright blue sky for the entire ceremony.  Easily the most beautiful wedding I have ever attended1.  Did I mention that Cyclops DJ’d the entire event from the perspective of his morbidly depressed and probably alcoholic sock puppet? Even the Borscht Belt side of the family had a hard time deciphering the schtick.  "Fuck the bride and groom, tonight's about me." It was transcendent.


Magic Cyclops was the most viewed segment for the entire 2011 season of American Idol, he has an affected British accent that in five years I’ve never heard him shake once, and apparently he’s selling swag on his website to raise money for expenses he'll incur on the bus ride from his apartment (in Denver) to the regional-slash-dark horse competion (also in Denver).  Click the link, it’s worth it.


1. Hott Lixx and Mairy's wedding was also the most beautiful ceremony I've ever attended.