May all your lands also be Swamps in addition to their other types

I’m not quite sure how this fits into the US Air Guitar fold, but Denver competitor DYIN’ CLETUS (John Humphrey) just held his own Magic: The Gathering tournament and I was lucky enough to come across his recap.  It’s hysterical, for wizards and non-nerds alike.

Hey Magic fans,

 What a day! After nine gruelling hours of card flopping, the dust has cleared on Tribal Tournament 2011, and a victor has been declared. For those of you who made it out today, I want to say a big thank you again for your investment of time, money, snacks, Everclear and willingness to read long-winded emails from yours truly (this one obviously included). Even though a few people were forced to sit this one out, unfortunately, I am beyond psyched that we made this tournament a success, and hope we can repeat it in the future. 

So who won this shit, anyway?

If you missed the fun tonight, then do yourself a favor and go find the nearest cardoor to in which to slam your genitals: that’s what it felt like to go up against either deck in the championship game. Although Josh Chapple’s wily Wizards deck won six straight rounds, Lee’s Vampires were up for the challenge in the final match-up. ”My deck is a major dick”, said Chapple of his odds-on favorite tribe. And after winning one game each in the biggest match of the evening, Ertai and his company of swingin’ dicks were looking to go undefeated. But Team Edward had other plans, and Lee’s bloodsuckers squeaked ahead by an Irini Sengir’s cunt hair to take home the big prize (including a NPH pack with a Sword of War & Peace and a playmat to be drawn by yours truly). As someone who had the pleasure of going 0-2 to Lee in two separate rounds, I can assure you that tonight truly was the Night of the Vampire

Congratulations to both gentlemen on a well-played match. Now kindly go sell your decks on an ebay lot.

Meanwhile, in the accompanying finals match-up, the unlikely pairing of James’ Zombies and Dustin’s Saprolings went toe-to-toe for the coveted title of Worst Odor (and the third place prize). It was a battle of synergy for both contestants, but in a deck full of 1/1 token machines, you can’t afford to bring a knife to a Skullclamp fight. James’ Zombies fought to their deaths, sometimes more than once, but in the end the fungus among us managed to overwhelm the braineaters. Just goes to show that it doesn’t take a $100 deck to dance all night, which should be a small comfort for many a Magic player.

Other highlights of the evening included the legendary amount of mana Jeremiah’s Elves were able to create (‘Hurricane for 60’, anyone?), the strong-but-silent win ratio of Josh Nadler’s Dragons deck, Jerrod Dewey’s Nostradamus-like top-decking foresight (three, count ‘em, three he-called-its!), and yours truly’s ability to cue up a flying/trample assault to Opeth’s “Demon of the Fall” via iTunes. So metal.

Again, I believe a good time was had by all—even though my deck got its ass beat like the Cleveland Browns, I still had a blast playing with you guys. And now that the decks are built, I really hope we can make another go of it sometime soon. And even if you weren’t able to get down on tonight’s festivities, have we got an opportunity for you:

Per Dustin’s suggestion, we’re looking into a Pauper (commons-only) tournament in the coming months. This has the advantage of being both much cheaper and easier to build than today’s Tribal Tourney, while allowing a high amount of creativity in deck design. If that’s something you’d be interested in playing in, let us know so we can get you more info on that once we set plans in motion. And if you had to miss out on this tribal tournament, but would like to be involved in a potential sequel, let us know. We might even let you pick your own tribe; I just wouldn’t want to be the person who has to arm wrestle Jerrod for Goblins this time.

May all your lands also be Swamps in addition to their other types,