Philadelphia: The New Old Philly

Windhammer takes Philadelphia! Photo courtesy of helveticaneue.

 

In 2008 USAG spent their time in Phillie partying with The Roots, trying to park a tour bus on South 4th St, and discovering new and under-aged talent.  But in subsequent years the good times gave way to battery-throwing, theft and even an armed assault on one of the crew. Phillie became the new Boston, Boston became the new Kansas City, and Kansas City became the new Best Place To Get Sued For Putting A Tiny Dent In Your Rental Kia.

 

Fast-forward to 2012, our 10th year as a religious institution, and Phillie has not only regained her status as a lovely and pleasant place to eat sandwiches, but also a serious inspiration to air guitarists in the rest of the country.

 

Standout first round contenders included, well, all of them.  They were all good, even the not-so-good ones.  Right out of the gate was Leonitis (Leo Bernardo) who brought his own emissary to hype the crowd and provide the audience with two targets at whom to throw their beers.   And what followed was a string of fantastic and fantastically theatric shreddings.  G T$o (David Chen) sipped of the magical tea once again this year proving that if at first you suck pretty bad, then do not resurface from your parent’s basement until you stop sucking. Spudboy (Rich Anderson) returned with a new DEVO outfit but without his signature real life, actual erection.   But no competitors (or erections) rose above President Baberham Lincoln (Bianca Cevoli) or returning champ Windhammer (Rob Weychert).

 

In an effort to reel in the seemingly random judging of Phillie yore this year’s panel included USAG General Manager Nat Hays (Nat Hays), 2008 Air Guitar World Champion Hot Lixx Hulahan (Your Face) and local drumming legend and recent ice cream magnate Jeff Ziga (http://www.littlebabysicecream.com/).  The team would later be lauded as the best Phillie had ever seen at this venue this year for air guitar.

 

Round 2 offered up a unique challenge, “Punk Rock Girl” by local heroes the Dead Milkmen.  In your head you may remember it as a fast-paced rock anthem but in actuality is rather mid-tempo and the guitar tone is as wimpy as guitar tones get.  Therein lay the Dead Milkmen’s charm but that does little for shredders donning leather, wigs, and all manner of steel studs. But the sole purpose of Round 2 is, as Bjorn Turoque puts it, to separate the air wheat from the air chaff. If you can’t air guitar to anything you probably aren’t champion material. Check the Air Guitar World Championship’s past list of compulsory songs and you’ll see that you need to be prepared for everything if you’re in it to win it.

 

The peppy song was an excellent selection for Baberham with her glitter and her big-assed smile but in the end it was still Windhammer for the win.  His confidence, precision, and ability to resist even a slight smile when looking at PuppiesOfInstagram earned him the title of Phillie Air Guitar Champ 2012.

 

Today's blog was written by celebrity guest writer HOT LIXX HULAHAN.

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