San Diego: stars, bars, balls

As has become their magnanimous routine, Traveling competitors TIGER CLAW (SF) and SHRED BOY RD (LA) took a couple bullets for San Diego last night when they volunteered to go first and second, respectively.  Boy RD already has a regional under his belt from previous seasons, so we know he can shred.  What I enjoyed about last night’s openers was the Claw’s specificity – working within his particular mortal confines, he is growing as a performer.  We might see this guy in round two one of these days.  Also taking a couple cases of silver bullets in the form of Coors Light was Texan BROCK McROCK (Taylor Fullbright), who continues to confuse us with his outfits and ability to consistently remain upright into round two.  For Brock, I suspect last night was a warm up exercise in preparation (H) for tonight’s show at the Troub.  

Owning last night’s competition was San Diego powerhouse LT. FACEMELTER (Jason Farnan), who in the past few years has become the funhouse mirror image of a West Coast McNallica.  He simply tears this shit up, to the extent that only one question remains: will he ever get his own limited edition jpeg Champion Trading Card?



Although LFM takes the San Diego title to the Denver Championships this year, close at his heels were relative newcomers MR. FAN-STACHE-TIC (Adam Lanser) and JOLLY GREEN SHREDDING MACHINE (Nathan Briles).  The latter, a dead ringer for Goose, may well become San Diego’s next big thing.  He’s got that “I use ever inch of my many inches to play the hell out of every lick I can” thing – a bit like a mature AIRISTOTLE without the cuddly innocence.



SIX STRING GENERAL (Tim Granlund), has clearly been practicing this off-season.  His round one was pretty good, while his round two was filled with pitch perfect choreography.  Working in harmony with various sound cues, he tore off his costume piece-by-piece to expose a sleeveless stars and bars shirt plus skintight patriotic undies.  We had an in-house after party of sorts, wherein 6SG never put his pants back on.



Filling up the judging table(s) were veteran gavel-bangers Dryw Keltz and Hot Lixx Hulahan, and blogger-turned Hollywood magnate Justin Halpern.  Penning Shit My Dad Says made him a household name but his follow-up, I Suck At Girls, will secure him as a bathroom/next-to-the-toilet staple.  Of AWSM he said, "You look like someone who took a bunch of steroids but then didn't do anything."


Finally there was MORMON ROCKWELL, who in true homopolygamous style got us all worked up by donning a helmet and kneepads before blue balling the crowd with his demonstration of on-stage safety; from the cheap seats, his act was an exercise in private absorption.  This is odd because I’ve seen some of his other work and it’s generally spot on.  Perhaps he’ll join us all at the Troubadour tonight and prove me wrong?



Perhaps not, I just peeked at the entry list and we’ve got 22 master shredders, two comedians, and a Björn to boot.  Tonight’s gonna sell outish!