Texas Qualifier: Remember the Fucking Alamo And Don't Heckle the Headbangers

-This is a guest post by Texas qualifier organizer, Brock McRock- Last night’s Texas show went off without a hitch, held at the Sweetwater bar in Austin TX, 9 competitors and one heckler battled it out to prove who was the Best in Texas. Memorable performances from Jeff Hays (I’m a bassist), Ziik (the red headed danger) and Max Power (smokes weed and rides bikes). The first real stand out of the night was the terrifying Captain Fun, who was dressed in a spandex clown suit that scarred the shit out of everyone…and lots of man junk. The first 6.0 of the night was given to Davey Rockit, dressed in leather and a coon skin cap this guy came to win and MAKE you remember the Alamo. The first “Brock needs 3 showers” moment came when Les RuPaul walked up with “her” makeup askew and shouting sassy comments. “Her” moves and attitude placed “her” easily in the second round joining Metal Robot, Houston’s own/ perennial second rounder El Airiachi, Max Power and Davey Rockit.

Before we get to the winner I want to say that you should NOT heckle the head bangers, one young lady in the audience found out why. After hurling insults at most of the contestants Brock McRock (I do realize I’m typing in 3rd person) offered the lady a spot on stage to prove that she could do better. She accepted (the HeckelAir), and after killing Hearts’ “Barracuda” she was given the highest accolade of the night when she was awarded with “3 mouths that shout the fuck up” from one of the judges.

Round 2

Texas went with the traditional ‘one song for all’ format as most of the contestants didn’t have music and exhausted the backup, of backup, of backup plans to have a “Cowboy hat of doom”. The song was Metallica “Battery” and the top 5 were ready to rock. It looked as though the crowd was pulling for both Metal Robot and Les RuPaul (one of the best names I’ve ever seen), that is, until Davey Rockit stepped up. Not even the inspiring speech Les RuPaul gave that ended with “Davey Crockett already came here once and look what happened,” would slow this train down. Davey Rockit absolutely killed it and we saw a Slayer Score for the first time in Texas in years: 666. Texas is proud to send Davey Rockit, Metal Robot and Les RuPaul (who I hope gets an invite to the dark horse) to the LA Semi-Final at the Troubadour (probation prohibiting of course).

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