The NYC US Air Guitar Qualifier Will Finally Get You a Date

-- This is a guest post by NYC Qualifier organizer Rocka Khan. The NYC Qualifier is May 24 at Arlene's Grocery! -- New York God Damn City is representing hard this year with an epic show at Saint Vitus in Brooklyn on May 1st. Shreddy, Ocean, Stinkfingers, Stot, Thunderstrook, Awesome, Rocktor, G Tso, Windhammmer, Marquis, Math, Pickguard, the list goes on. But we ain't stopping there. In less than two weeks, we'll be rocking again at a true rock venue in the LES, Arlene's Grocery (yes, it was a grocery and former home of The Strokes). May 24th is the date. New year, new venue. While I can't say what's going to happen at the show because I'm always surprised with what the performers bring to the stage, I can take a guess at what the after-party might be like. An adapted excerpt from the original screenplay, “Air To The Throne

INT. MANHATTAN - LUXURY CONDO – NIGHT   A debaucherous party. Moet & Chandon drunk from the bottle. Drunken girls pillow fight. LIL' KISS, the band with dwarfism, cannonballs into the living room jacuzzi. On the other side of the window, YOU chill on the balcony looking out over downtown, taking it in. The glass door slides open and out walks THE HOTTIE YOU MET AT THE BAR holding two glasses of champagne.


Thought you could use this. Before they pour it all on the floor. Must be a lot of dead homies.

You turn your head around, noticing you're not alone.


Oh, hey. Can you believe it?


You looked great out there.

I knew you were going to win.

She (or he) walks over to the banister and hands you a glass.


I don't know what happened tonight. Like seriously. It's one big trance-like blur.


I'd tell you this might make things better but, well, Champagne usually leads to more trance-like blurs. Cheers.

(clink glasses)

Down the hatch. Wait. Hold on. If you don't look someone in the eyes when you cheers, then you're doomed to seven years of bad sex.


So that was my problem.

Down the hatch.

They lock eyes and linger in each other's stare, slowly inching closer. Leaning in. Your DRUNKEN BUDDY barges in. Bad timing.


Dude, you don't want to miss this.

Ronnie from Jersey Shore just challenged Kobayashi to a meatball-eating contest.

 You and the hottie lock eyes with childish smirks.


The night's still young.

She/he takes your hand, leading you into the rowdy scene inside.   EXT. MANHATTAN - LUXURY CONDO - TIMELAPSE - NIGHT TO MORNING   In the darkness of night, all the condo lights except for the penthouse turn off. The darkness gives way to a pink glow.   INT. LUXURY CONDO – MORNING   A potbelly pig sporting a mohawk sniffs around. An arm and a leg stick out from underneath a beeramid (pyramid of PBR cans). A member of LIL' KISS is passed out inside the chalk outline of a larger man. Sleeping next to you on a couch is.....

Make your own story. This May 24th at 7:30pm, Arlene's Grocery. Become an air guitar legend. Get the girl (or guy). usag-nyc-2014

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