Tyranicus Unleashes End Times Upon San Diego
– This is a guest post by Lt. Facemelter, former US National Champ and organizer of the San Diego qualifier. Make sure to check out all the pictures and videos below the article! –
Holy shit this recap is delayed! And you know what – it’s not entirely my fault. In fact, I am blaming this squarely on Tyranicus, because this is some serious End Times shit. Our office damn near caught fire the other day when a “Snake-carrying Hawk” clipped the power lines of a local transformer setting the hillside ablaze. If that’s not the most metal way to start a fire, then I don’t know what is. AND WE BARELY SURVIVED.
Lt. Facemelter and Octane Fretty erupt into flames while AIRiel RipChord mourns the loss of her treasured oreos off camera.
Like a phoenix from the ashes, here rises the recap of the most bad ass, fun and successful show San Diego Air Guitar has ever seen. We’re talking a crowd of 250 screaming idiots at The Merrow, 17 competitors, concert ticket giveaways from FM94/9, Plinko For Prizes, free Zubaz and Jersey Sweaters, and official San Diego Air Guitar t-shirts. And with all the proceeds of our super fun merch table, we were able to raise $300 for Noche and Neighborhood Services - a cause that is near and dear to our air guitarring hearts. Learn more about her story here and why we are so happy to help!
Kicking off the night was another performance brought to you by Lt. Picantemelter, with special guest 6 String General, ending in what I like to call the official “I’m fucking done with you idiots” exit by the Queen of Portland air guitar.
Who needs pants when you have Zubaz underwear?
The night was a super sonic mean machine of air guitar awesomeness and efficiency. We had Lionel Fuckin’ Richie (Paige King) almost break everything on stage in 58 seconds, followed by Hands Solo (Tim Granlund) and his hard on for the Millennium Falcon. Whammy Bar Willie (Julie Williard) took advantage of an available microphone and spit rhymes to Walk This Way while she shred, and Sweetness (Kyle Privette) spit game at all the fly ladies in the house. A little too much game for me, actually.
Oh, uh, it's the pleats... the pleats in the pants. It's an optical illusion. I was just about to take them back... to the pants store.
AIRiel RipChord (Denise Brown) continued her Disney dominance with a terrifying version of Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, but just fell short of round 2 this year. Newcomer Straptease (Caleb Bourg) weirded everyone out, but came away with my nominee for Best Rookie Name of 2015. And then there was Rockus Airelius (Ben Thomas) earning my nominee for playing the Best Song Everyone Forgot About 12 Years Ago.
We had the return of Shredgar Winter (Jonny Duggan), and the reinvented Optimus Shred, going all America on everyone’s ass with tights for days and another Arnold track that was a no brainer for my nominee for Most Improved Since Last Year. We were treated to a delightful folk song hoedown by Cumfort Your Buns (Christian Custodio) before being yelled at for 60 seconds by Octane Fretty (Paul Harris) who violently smashed his air guitar into his face for my favorite picture of the night.
You okay, buddy?
The youth movement struck the scene again with the reappearance of Air-o-Dynamic (Bunker King) and newcomer Empira, Queen of Armageddon (Angelyn Tallmon). This was only to be balanced out by the old timer and seasoned hot licks of Andrés SegoviAIR (J.D. Frankland), who just missed qualifying for the second straight year.
So who did qualify? Familiar faces and a guy with flaming arm pits, that’s who. San Diego powerhouse and recent recipient of a legal drinking age, Tyranicus, Lord of the End Times (Brandon Baker) walked away with his second title this year, while his arch nemesis Jolly Green Shredding Machine (Nate Briles) locked up 2nd close behind. And then there was Flaming Pitz (Geoffrey Gamble) in 3rd place, who in another show may have won it all with one of the most impressive air guitar medleys (5 songs!) I have heard in recent years. I have high hopes for all of these winners to make a splash in the next round.
All things considered, the show was an amazing good time and I can’t thank you all enough for making it so damn fun. Let’s shut my mouth and get to the real reason we’re here – sweet ass pictures and videos! Huge thanks to Chris Brake Photography for all of the awesome shots and the recap video.